Canticles: As the First Lady Bounces Back…

 Canticles with Eddy Odivwri


As the First Lady Bounces Back…


All hail our First Lady, she is back to her busy life style. She is even looking brighter and better. Did you see that her colourful, dazzling boubou, with dark shade to match?  Shame to bad people.


Yes, we are happy she is back. But why are you rubbing-in some invectives?


What do you mean? Didn’t you hear all that was said about her, while she was away? Didn’t you people say she went for the treatment of all kinds of unimaginable ailments? Didn’t some say she had ruptured appendicitis, even as some others said she went for tummy tuck so that she will be more attractive to Mr President? Didn’t some people even say she had died? Was that not all the gibberish you people were spreading around?



Why are you attacking me? Did you see me among those  spreading such rumours?
If you did not help in spreading the rumours, what did you say or do to dispel them?


What could I have said or done? Did the Presidency tell the nation anything about the sickness or the reason why the First Lady traveled? Were they not perpetually denying it?


Yes, the Presidency said she went for some rest. That she was stressed after hosting the African First Ladies’ Summit. But you people will not believe. Now Madam First Lady has come and declared herself that she was not ill. That she never went for any treatment or surgery. That she does not even know the hospital they said she was rushed to in Germany. She even cited God as her witness. Yet you doubting Thomases will not be convinced. Shame to bad people! (clapping hands)… Huuuuu--huuuuu!!!


Ah…, you are taking it personal. Don’t you know the First Family is a public votary? Why didn’t they speak on what took the First Lady away?  Don’t you know their grave silence gave rise to conspiratorial theories? Do you blame Nigerians? They wanted to know why their First Lady suddenly vanished from public glare. But nobody was saying anything. Of course the rumour mill had to be activated. And the result is what you saw.


But she has said she was never ill. And she reminded those mischievous “busy-bodies” that her husband, Mr President himself,  loves her as she is and that she is not planning of adding anything to her body or subtracting anything either. Is that not declarative enough?


And you want us believe that? So where was she for 57 days? Why did the President have to go visit her twice? If she was not ill, why the huge fanfare on her return?  The story does not add up. Is it not true that she was ill? The ailment may have been mis-guessed, but did she just travel for leisure for almost two months?  Do you believe our First Lady will like to spend that length of time in a cold foreign land, just like that? Ok, so if it is true she wasn’t ill, why were such inscriptions like “God Saved You” “You will Live Long” on those T-shirts? Look, go and tell them that whatever happens to them is of public interest.  Tell them not to pose as indomitable Deus ex Machina.  That….


(cuts in) Please save me your archaic  grammar. What is Dues ex… what? Look, I don’t have answers to your many questions. All I know is that the Dame is back and I can tell you her itinerary has been drawn up. She will visit all the women in the various refugee camps, I mean those sacked by the flood. She will soon announce her visitation programme.  And trust her, she will be accompanied with truck loads of relief materials and NTA camera men, to those women and children whose prayers and good wishes saved her from whatever.


We surely welcome her back. The Jonathan presidency had lacked all the spice of laughter and fun ever since she left. I know those mischievous Nigerians who always like to cook up expressions for the First lady will be back to business. Surely, Nigerians have missed our dear First Lady.


The array of dignitaries at the airport to welcome her bespeak eloquently of how well-loved the First Lady is. Imagine even royal fathers, the top hierarchy of the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) , female ministers, Gov Dickson and his wife, Governors’wives,  masquerades, dance troupes,  Senate President’s wife, national lawmakers etc, all filed out to receive her. What better proof of love and importance do you need?


Hmmm, don’t mind those members of cheer crowd. They will do it for anybody in power. Don’t think it is such a show of love.
I am tired of your cynicism. I am content with the fact that our First Lady is back. She has bounced back to reckoning and attention. And please be warming up for a national Thanksgiving service at the Ecumenical Centre very soon.
Hmmm. Mr Insider!!!!!!